PRINT IS DEAD

Hi I’m Grace and I’ve been in an on and off situation-ship with Hinge for almost 3 and a half years now. 

As is true with most situation-ships, we’ve had our highs and our lows. There are moments when the algorithm simply nails it – my roses section is filled with nothing but the sons of Greek Gods; tanned, gorgeous, well dressed singles who have clever prompts that expertly traverse the cheeky but not arrogant line. In fact, sometimes hinge gets it so right (or wrong) that my ‘most compatible’ is someone I’ve already gone out with. Only today a friend of mine once got ‘most compatible’ with her ex… wishful thinking from Hinge! Regardless, this is just the kind of accuracy that I believe demonstrates Hinge’s promise.

Of course, there are times when no matter how long you swipe for Hinge is unable to deliver even one person you would consider going for… even blackout drunk (that might sound harsh but it’s true), and everyone who ‘likes  you’ makes your skin crawl. 

To be completely honest, I am currently enduring one of my so-called ‘Cringe-Hinge’ eras where it feels as though no matter how long I sit swiping there is simply no hope. However in these times of online dating darkness the light that at the end of the tunnel is the memories of previous success my friends and I have had.

I’ve seen first hand that It is more than possible for Hinge to be the start of a long-term relationship; I know of two that started in the first lockdown and both couples are still together. For others, including myself, it has been a rich source of fun dates and some failed ones too (that have made for some side-splittingly hysterical drunken debriefs). So with the aim of keeping your hope in Hinge alive, here are some top tips to bear in mind while you scroll. 

1. Be wary of baggage from the get-go

There is nothing wrong with being honest. In fact , it is undoubtedly a very good thing in a relationship. However, if someone elects to divulge their darkest and most intrusive thoughts in the second prompt of their online dating profile, it might open you up to a trauma heavy date. Below is a slightly concerning example I found on Canadian Hinge; fair to say it was quite the red flag… 

I’d say these sorts of ‘complexities’ are ideally third or fourth date territory at the minimum. Not before you’ve even matched. So, steer clear of trauma dumping signs in a profile – trust me there’s nothing worse than giving a random guy free therapy at 4 am.

2. Accidentally jail baiting Hinge users

Once you’ve been using Hinge for a while, it’s easy to forget to update your profile regularly. You may not even want to! Especially when 2020 was the year for great holiday pics. I have done this myself, leaving up photos from when I was 17 which my friends swiftly urged  me to change. No one wants to unknowingly be a creep. It’s safer to keep your photos updated – boys, a girl wants to know if you’ve grown out your mullet or become a skinhead, these things can be a game changer. So, let’s avoid laying unintentional wrongun traps. Have a look on the groups’ shared album and start updating! 

3. Rekindling lost flames or turning a flirty friendship to your next fling 

Personally, one of my favourite things about Hinge is those unexpected appearances. It is always thrilling to see someone you know come up, even if you don’t fancy them. It brings a whole new insight into their love life – is their profile filled with excessive gym photos, are they loyal to group shots or a selfie specialist. It really is riveting. Here, hinge gives us a hand in reaching out to that one mate we’ve always fancied. It might help you turn an otherwise flirty friendship into something more, and it can be as easy as reaching out with a ‘fancy seeing you here.’ The same goes for rekindling an old love that had no real reason for coming to an end; just simply fizzled, maybe you’re both home from uni and are wondering why it ever ended. Could now be the perfect time to relaunch a classic?

4. Brace yourself for the white lies 

Everyone wants to come across as their best and sexiest self, in some ways your profile replicates how you would want to come across in the first episode of a Love Island season. The conventional fib being height. Will might claim to be 5’10, but it is clear from the photo with his Mum and Grandma that 5’8 feels generous. Or maybe their profile says no smoking, when everyone knows they spend the whole night out in the smoking area (universal prime-pulling zone). Or they might supposedly opt against drugs, but their pupils in picture 3 suggest otherwise. If you’re going to be called out for lying before someone even likes you, it might be worth taking a truth pill, not a disco one this time and being honest. Owning your truth, that’s always hotter than lying. 

5. Don’t have photos with hotter friends 

No one wants to hear this but. If your mate looks like a young Jenifer Aniston, and you’re more of an Angelina, the guy who prefers a Jen-An type probably isn’t going to be able to get it out of his head. This goes both ways; ladies, we’ve all been excited by the buzz-cut on the left, and you scroll on to realise the profile belongs to curtains on the right. I have made this fatal error before, with one picture of me and a particularly gorgeous friend resulting in several pop-up marriage proposals for her, deeming me a wedding coordinator with no date in sight. To preserve our friendship and my sanity, that photo was swiftly changed, and yours should be too. 

6. Tinder is Hinge’s off the rails cousin (don’t even get me started on bumble)

Let’s get one thing straight, of all the dating apps on offer, Hinge is definitely your best bet. If you think there are some gross pop-ups on hinge (inevitable from time to time), don’t go anywhere near Tinder. Tinder and Grindr have the same goal, which more often than not involves a rapid hook-up. Luckily, hinge is more of a slow burner. 

7. To rose or not to rose, that is the question

It is scary putting yourself out there when you might not get a response, let alone considering the connotations of a ‘rose.’ Rest assured; I am here to remind you they are worth a try. Firstly, think about what a boost it is to receive a rose even if you don’t match with them. To this rose-giver, you were the hottest of the elite hot section on their Hinge that day, to put it lightly, that’s a huge compliment. Using this logic, it should not be scary to send one out, it is bold, but ultimately it could make the rose-receivers’ day. Speaking from personal experience, I have sent a few roses to the crème-de-la-crème of hinge and have been pleasantly surprised by the conversations that followed. So, take the risk, put all your roses in one basket for your favourite hottie and see what happens…you’ll never know if you don’t try!

  8. Don’t ask your mates for replies, do it yourself!

This is a tricky one, everyone has struck up a conversation with their newest hinge-hottie and turned to the group for the best possible reply. Especially if you’re slightly interested, you want the best chance of securing a date. But, even if your most witty and flirtatious friend helps create the perfect responses, they cannot come on the date with you.. unless that’s what you’re into. Even though it can be scary coming up with replies alone, remember, if they don’t like your chat then they’re not worth your time – someone’s got to laugh at your dad jokes, and if your hinge date won’t then I will! Don’t forget, they liked YOUR profile, the least you could do is let them get to know the real you.

Hopefully, these tips reminded you of some funny stories you forgot about from hinge, or made you ready to give it a second, third or fourth chance. Ultimately, persistence is key when it comes to this and love in general! We need to find the balance between romantic determination and complete obsession. Of course, it’s still possible to meet someone the old-fashioned way, but there’s no harm in moving with the times. Afterall, a few years ago my cousin and his wife had the most beautiful wedding ever and guess where they met… Hinge! Now, we have a little hinge-baby in the family, and she is ridiculously adorable. If that won’t motivate you to keep swiping, I don’t know what will. 

By Grace Fertleman